Caffiene: Anti-Zombie potion.

I may not know a lot of things about culinary expertise, but if there's one thing I do know about, it's coffee. Sweet, wonderful coffee. The aroma's, the flavors, the way it gives you an excuse to work that morning... it's beautiful.
Coffee originates as far back as the 9th century Ethiopia where shepherds found there sheep eating the coffee beans and having imaculate amounts of energy afterwards. It has been used everywhere from religious ceremonies to political meetings, and even was banned in some countries for it's effect. Probably the fact people went pee every half hour.
So I am hear to show my people of the Kankakee River Valley the coffee hot spots in the area. Plus, I'm also hear to tell you about the places where it would be wiser to drink out the toilet then to drink their's. So here goes.

THE TOP 5 PLACES IN THE RIVER VALLEY FOR SOME JO!

5: Their commercials are pretty nifty showing you how they bring a two inch piece of cheesecake out on a plate three feet long, and how their best known for a really expensive version of the slider, but what people don't know is that RUBY TUESDAY'S is my number five pick for the best coffee in Kankabourbaley. Besides the fact you get a fairly decent size mug, the notch it gets is from it's texture. It just perfectly quenches but you don't have to chew it. As well, the flavor is just right giving it a nice density, making it a good buy if it's too early for a beer. Which is rare.

4: There french fries are like spaghetti noodles, there atmosphere is way too pre-modern, and I FREAKIN HATE GLASS KETCHUP BOTTLES!!! But number four on my list has to go to the little white hut out there on Armour known as Steak'N'Shake. There house blend has a flavor that can simply be described at fantastic. The compacity is a little thick, but flavor-wise this takes the bacon. Plus it's usually served piping hot which is always a good thing.

3: I think this place has been a different business every year for the past ten, so by the time you read this it may be something different. Over on Schuyler, kiddie corner from the theater, is a little place called Groucho's. I would serioulsy hope this place would make my list being the fact it's a coffee shop. The flavors are very pure and strong which makes it a great coffee for Binge Caffieners like myself. Not to mention, they serve it in a caup so big you're basically drinking out of a bathtub. So for service, taste, strength, and venue, Groucho's is number three with a bullet.

2: BUT, every coffee shop needs a rival, and Moon Monkey Coffee Co. in Bourbonnais is hands down the better of the baristas. With the selection of flavors, you can tell the difference between each and every one of them. The densities are always perfect and the way it feels on the way down is exceptional. Plus, you also drink out of bathtubs here too, which gives it more bang for the buck. Not too mention you get to drink it in a pretty cool place which mentally makes you think it tastes better. I'm serious. It has been stated that atmosphere effects all sense which includes taste. Ever try drinking coffee on the toilet? It's just not the same.

NUMBER 1: And now, the upset. The decision that will make everybody go, "what? Is he drunk?". The best coffee in the Kankabourbaley metropolitan area, with best knowledge to my ability and tastbuds is...(drumroll)... Dennys. The taste, aroma, price, and overall quaility make it exceptional. For only 1.48 a cup with free re-fills, it is the best bang for your buck pretty much anywhere. My friends and I have drunken it till the wee hours of the morning without ever wanting anything else besides. Who would have thunk? Huh? Denny's. The place where the food is a good excuse to call off of work the next day has coffee worth eating for.

I may not be an expert on this... but well... I am. I have had a lot of coffee in my day, and my top five are worth every drop. So give these fine places business because they deserve it with fine ground up legumes like warming up your soul.